If you have a question about whether to see this movie, the short answer is no. The long answer is hell no. I was really thinking about not reviewing this movie at all but I decided that I should get something out of it. I was tortured for close to 2 hrs and I will be damned if I don’t vent about this garbage I watched.
The movie started out ok enough. It was obvious that it is a paint by numbers Fantasy/Action film. It is about a man who lost his family to witches. He is in a fight to rid the world of the Queen Witch’s evil and he almost does. He stabs her, she curses him with immortality, and Wah-La; we have Vin Diesel in present day slaying witches with a bumbling side kick and a sassy love interest.
This movie was absolute bulls***. It is riddled with horrible dialogue, bad action sequences, terrible costume designs and bad acting. I can’t tell you how many times I sighed at the sheer stupidity this movie displayed. By the end I was riddled in popcorn because my friend decided that every time I sighed, she would threaten me by throwing popcorn. Now I am questioning our friendship because she dragged me to this god forsaken movie and then added onto the torture. I actually feel like it somehow sucked out my intellect. I feel dumber from having watched it.
I almost forgot to mention that I was not the only one unimpressed by this film. Two rows behind me, a man fell asleep and started snoring before we reached the twenty minute mark. If my friend hadn’t been trying to keep me awake, I would have joined him.
This film was so bad that I was hoping the film would break. I really was hoping that the screen would suddenly go dark and I would be free to leave. No, this movie didn’t have the nerve to hurry to its anticlimactic ending; it f***ing strolled. It limped and it crawled. Then it had the nerve to threaten me with a SEQUEL!
Needless to say, when I saw that a sequel could be in the future, I walked out. I don’t even know how it ended. You can always right fellow overpowered entertainment writer Jasmine Wilson. We saw this movie together. She was the friend that was throwing popcorn at me every time I sighed and sadly, by the end of the film, she was sighing too.
If it was up to me, I would gather everyone who participated in this film, sit them in the room, and make them watch it. I honestly believe this film can replace tradition torture. This movie was f***ing terrible and they need to know the mess they created. It is obvious to me that they didn’t put any real effort into making a decent film. I was contemplating giving this a zero but I realized I can’t go lower than 1.
Final Score: 1/10 power ups
